Kay McDivitt seems like a nice lady. But she’s not. Not by a longshot.

She works as a doctor at Children’s Hospital on the magnificent Anschutz Medical Campus, which is fine, I guess, if you think children are valuable or whatever.

She is also the reason Independence Institute proudly houses a beautiful, life-sized bronze statue of Thomas Jefferson by famed Colorado sculptor George Lundeen. Yeah, that sounds nice if you value the principles of the Declaration of Independence and don’t realize statues of dead white guys is tantamount to hate speech these days.

Oh sure, Kay gives our staff handmade Independence Day cards, takes us to Broncos games, and brings gifts by for our interns, but don’t let that give you the impression she is a nice person. She is mean, I mean like Cruella de Vil meets Hillary Clinton on election night kind of mean. And she obviously hates me personally. Let me explain.

Every year around this time, some very incredible people, led by our graphic designer Tracy Smith, participate in the Courage Classic, an annual event that supports Children’s Hospital. They ride their bikes over the mountains in Colorado as Team Parker, to honor my late, beautiful daughter, Parker.

Over the years, Team Parker has raised well over $120,000 to help children like my daughter, who died of a vicious, incurable cancer just days before her first birthday.

The courageous (and there is no other word for them) people who work at Children’s treated Parker with the care and dignity my little girl deserved. And when my son, Chance, was born with Down Syndrome, they saved his life with 14 different operations big and small so I wouldn’t have to bury another child. I am humbled by the heroic people at Children’s.

Anyway, during all these years while Team Parker peddled through the mountains, I had ONE job. I would become the pitchman for the team, writing an email like this, maybe go on radio and ask folks to sponsor the team.

THEY would peddle up the hills, which sounds so gawd-awful I wouldn’t even wish it on Nancy Pelosi. And I would ask you to support them. This is what we call division of labor. That is, until that communist, Kay McDivitt, ruined it all.

Every year, Tracy Smith would ask (or more accurately, nag) me to ride with the team. I would sit her down and lovingly explain how division of labor drives productivity. I used graphs and charts and hand-puppets to help her understand there is no way in hell she is ever getting me on a bike. And spandex – forget about it!

Last year, Tracy employed a Jedi mind trick and somehow convinced me to agree that IF the team exceeded a certain fundraising goal, I would join the ride and people could witness me dying of a coronary within 20 feet of the starting line. She even let me specify the amount. Fine, I said. We’ll make it $20,000. I figured that would be sufficient to get Tracy off my back and I was safe because we hadn’t raised close to that amount in the previous years.

You can probably guess the punchline here. That inhuman woman, Kay McDivitt, at the last minute made up the difference to get Team Parker over $20,000. Why? Oh, not because she wants to help Children’s Hospital. On the contrary, because she wants to see me humiliated as I collapse with an aneurysm. Keep in mind she is a doctor, so her industry makes money when I require medical care.

But you see, God was on my side. God does not want me to ride! He benevolently gave us a pandemic for the sole purpose of ensuring this cruel event would be cancelled and I would be spared. Lo and behold, cancel it they did! In fact, Governor Polis canceled it via executive order. And who said progressives were no good?

Sadly, civil disobedience is alive and well. Tracy Smith and Team Parker are completing a “virtual” Courage Classic, riding the course and raising money for Children’s Hospital anyway. And as for me, a promise is a promise, so heart attack here I come as I will attempt, attempt, to ride with them this weekend.

All of this is a very long-winded way to say, would you PLEASE donate right now to Team Parker and help Children’s Hospital during this difficult time?

Click here to support Team Parker!

Not only will it help kids like my son, Chance, to survive and thrive, it will make one of the sweetest ladies I know, Kay McDivitt, very happy.

And to be clear I NEVER want to do this again. So I won’t, unless Team Parker raises $25,000 this year, which I’m certain we can’t!

Please give today!

Think Freedom,

-Jon